I wrote the below entry in my notebook after class last Wednesday. Let me make a side note that I was an awful student in high school and college. Well, I can't say "awful" exactly. I guess inconsistent would describe my grades best. I would get report cards covered with A's and B's and, oh, just a couple of F's thrown in there for shits and giggles. I either did really well or failed. I'm a woman of extremes. So far, I am meeting my goal of getting nothing but A's in grad school. I'd like to prove to myself that I can be a good student, especially since I am doing something I really want to do. Okay onto the entry I wrote last week:
I had to do 2 presentations in class today. The idea of standing in front of the classroom usually scares the beegeezus out of me. I lose sleep, I have anxiety, and I can't stop thinking or talking about it. Tonight, however, I wasn't nervous. Well... I was a little nervous right before it, but not so much that my ears were ringing and my heart was palpating. That's what usually happens. I'm all excited because I think I did an okay job. I think I'm getting used to this. My only trouble is that I get really high pitched and my face turns bright red and burns like the devil. I assume I'll get over these symptoms once I'm in front of a classroom all day long, as a career. I'm hoping my voice gets deeper and more centered and that I can maintain an average pinkish complexion instead of my standard ruby red beet face.
I also had a lesson in my Saturday kid's class a couple of weeks ago where I was being observed by the head of the program. I was shitting bricks for days at the thought of it. I did fine though. Actually, once I got going, the three hours flew by without incident. I didn't have a psychotic panic filled meltdown. I wasn't taken to the hospital. I was fine. I was fine and I enjoyed it! This bodes well for my new chosen career as an actual 100% real teacher and not just the pretend teacher I'm used to being. I think I'm psyched. I think I really am making the right decisions about my life and my future. I'm proud of that.